By the Jōgan
by Tengu4790
Summary: Parody version of episode 65 of Boruto anime. Features half-hearted humour, swearing, Momoshiki raging because of everyone's stupid haircut and exposing numerous plot induced stupidities. Enjoy!


**Weird idea that poped into my head recently and I had to write it down. I love episode 65 and Boruto, so don't take any of this seriously. Series hasnit's issues (Chapter 31), but it is enjoyable. I wrote it just for fun. :)**

 **I don't own Naruto. Naruto is property of Masashi Kishimoto** **, Studio Pierrot and TV Tokyo.**

* * *

White cloud from transformation that Ōtsutsuki Momoshiki undergone dispearesed, revealing his new form that didn't look like three eyed Curse Mark reject.

"Holy shit! This is much better than the movie!" Naruto exclaimed with childish glee.

"He looked like red Shrek with horns in the last one." Sasuke chimed in. "At any rate fight will be much better than the last one."

"It better be. We waited two weeks for it."

Naruto turned his head towards the person who spoke, which happened to be Chojuro.

"Who the fuck invited you?" He stared at all Kages. "As a matter of fact, why are any of you here? I understand Boruto since he is main character and all, but you four are least qualified people to fight against alien that can absorb Ninjutsu, since all your most powerful attacks are Ninjutsu based."

"He's right, dattebasa." Boruto said with a slight tilt of his head.

"Are you really the one that has right to critize people for their fighting style?" Kurotsuchi had a scowl on her face. "You mostly use Shadow Clones and Rasengan."

"Let me know when you one-shot a moon buster in base form with one punch." That was all that Naruto needed to say in order to shut her up.

Sasuke took liberty to explain. "I wanted to bring Lee, but opponents need to have a fighting chance. That's why writers made me bring Kages so that Momoshiki can one-shot them to seem more threatening."

"Why are we arguing about this now? Am I only one concerned and freaked out that he ATE his comrade!?" Boruto's dad son yelled.

Naruto mearley gave a nonchalant shrug. "Not really. When you see the things we saw, some royal prick eating his foster father isn't that suprising."

"Trust me this is nothing compared to Choji eating barbeque." Sasuke said as both he and Naruto shivered at the thought.

"It was Kinshiki's wish to serve me." Momoshiki spoke up for the first time, his Byakugan holding a dangerous gleam to it. "Transfer of power is the law of our clan!"

A line formed on Momoshiki's forehead and opened up to revealed third Rinnengan. Which was gold for some unexplained reason. As a matter of fact, all five of his dōjutsu changed color to gold even if Kinshiki had a regular, white colored Byakugan and no Rinnengan.

"Really? No wonder Kaguya escaped from that shithole." Hokage scoffed. "Who the fuck would want to be supper to dipshit such as you?

"Speaking of your clan, why didn't you mobilise earlier?" Sasuke interrupted before Byakugan weilder could counter his friend's taunt. "It seems odd to me that you waited for thousand year to investigate her planet after she didn't deliver any Chakra."

"I don't know. Why didn't Naruto use Sage Mode in your final battle when he engaged you in Taijutsu or why did he lose Truth Seeking Orbs?" He countered. "Why didn't Naruto learn Hirashin during Blank Period or why didn't you acquire Tsukuyomi Genjutsu despite having exactly same eyes as your brother?"

"Lack of Sage Mode was to make Sasuke look better since writers love him more for god know what reason." Naruto glared at his friend who only smirked. "Hirashin and Tsukuyomi were for plot and I would wreck you even more if I had Truth Seeking Orbs."

"Good luck with that." He scoffed. "As for my situation, it can easily be explained. We had many other planets to conquer and as we are much more advanced beings than vermins such as yourself, our life span is much longer. Thousand years passed by in a blink of an eye for us."

"Fair enough..." Naruto ignored jab towards humans, pulled out a script from thin air and began reading it.

"In episode 53 where Urashiki, that for some reason isn't helping your weak ass against us right now, made his first apperance, he said that Clan knew about my fight with Toneri in The Last movie."

He threw his script away, which hit Chojuro on the head. "If your Clan was aware of beings powerful as some of your members and Kaguya's betrayal when I was 19, why did it take over 13 years for you to arrive here?"

"Because..." Momoshiki was at loss of his words. "Erm... Fuck it, I'm gonna kick all your asses."

Naruto used Earth Wall to protect Boruto and silently thanked writers that they gave him other ability that isn't Shadow Clone or Rasengan. Momoshiki roared, sending gust of wind that cut the tree in half and blew everyone away.

In a flash he appeared behind Darui and kicked him in the gut, knocking him down on one of the roots. He evaded Gaara's sand and stopped mere inch from him after sand enveloped him.

"Good grief!" Momoshiki's eyes widened at such unsightly sight in front of him. It was horrible. Unatural even. He needed to fix it right away.

"What?" Gaara's monotone voice echoed, struggling to keep him restrained.

He shook his head, dissapointment lacing his voice. "To think that such good character from Naruto and Shippuden would result in having such hiddeous haircut."

His beautiful and long white hair wrapped around him and strangled him, changing his haricut in more bushy style.

"Much better. Hitler of the Sand no more." He punched him in the solar plexus and dropped him down on hard ground.

"Kazekage-dono!" He bitch slapped Chojuro after using his godly speed, knocking his weak ass right away.

"How on earth did he become Kage I will never know." Momoshiki said as he blocked Kurotsuchi's fist coated in earth and elbowed her behind her ear. She crashed to the ground unconcious.

"He defeated 4 Kages just like that!?" Boruto was shocked at this expected development. "Even though these are one of the most weakest Kages in histroy, aside from uncle Gaara and have absolutely no right being in a fight against God-tier opponents without specific Plot Armor that I as a main character have."

Just then he saw and smoke rising in the air as Boruto's dad jumped away and blocked jūken strike that followed.

"Why does everyone have a shitty haircut in this series." Momoshiki proceeded to slap Naruto around with jūken for a bit. "Even your brat of a son has hair styled like a banana that gets worse and worse in every adaptation he appears in."

"I know. His design in Jump Force really proved that."

"Shitty old man."

"Get a better haircut you brat!" Naruto bit back.

"I will when you stop being a deadbeat!"

"Oh we will if you'll still think that after I die." Naruto blocked one attack. "I should have used a condom."

Distracted, he got hit in his Chakra Points as he crashed through a branch and Momoshiki grabbed his head.

"You Snape looking motherfucker!" After a hit in the liver that he delivered to Sasuke, he grabbed him by his scalp and destroyed ground down below with their heads as he flew around, throwing them on opposite direction of each other.

"Is that all." Naruto got up and wiped his mouth. "Shit. My daughter has better Tenketsu strikes than you."

"Naruto isn't that a bit too much?" Sasuke asked him. "It's not fair to compare him to new Solo King such as Himawari."

"You're right. Naruto admitted. "Now let's kick his ass, while ignoring most of our abilities that can help us in Taijutsu battle against opponent like him."

"Sounds good to me."

And so after they entered their respective power ups and fierce taijutsu battle commenced. Sasuke evaded most of his attack with Sharingan precognition and kicked him aside.

"First reference!" After he was punched into the air he spinned sword with his feet and launched him towards him, clearly copying his move from second stage of Chūnin Exams.

After deflecting it with his hand, Naruto was on him, using impressive Taijutsu to block and evade his attacks.

"You see." He began saying after he missed a punch with his right hand. "Now if writers didn't forget my abilities, Frog Kumite would take your head off right now and you wouldn't be able to do shit even with your five eyes since you're not a Senjutsu user so you can't see or sense it."

He punched him across the face with a left, triggering him even more.

"Why you..."

 **"BALERINA KICK!"** Sasuke came into the frame, looking fabulous as ever as he delivered a vicious back kick to aliens head.

Despite using a red spear granted to him by Kinshiki to fight them, he still got his ass handed to him as they send him flying through the sky like Sasuke when Sakura told him that she's alone at home.

"Okay here's the plan. I'm gonna be Shuriken while you provide a distraction." Sasuke layed out a strategy as they stood on stump of a tree glaring at their opponent.

"No fair." Naruto crossed his arms, annoyence clearly showing on his face. "You were Shuriken last time."

"..." Sasuke pouted and let out a whine. "But I want to be Shuriken."

"How about this. I'm gonna be Shuriken, but when I transform I will throw a RASENshuriken that will actually be you under Transformation Jutsu."

"You know what? That seems really impractical and difficult to set up." Sasuke said as a smirk like the one when he tried to kill Sakura formed on his face. "Let's do it".

"Second reference!" Transformed Naruto yelled as he cut him under the chin after he came out of the ground and succesfuly performed Shadow Clone God Tier Combo Wire Shuriken No Jutsu.

He threw Rasenshuriken that turned out to be Sasuke, but Momoshiki wraped red Kusari chains around him.

Sasuke smirked as he spoke. "Omea wa mo Shindeiru."

 **"NANI!?"**

Using his teleportation techinique that author doesn't know the name of and is to lazy/drunk to check out, Sasuke left Momoshiki tied up as he tangled in the air.

Uchiha looked back at his friend and saw him prepared to attack their enemy in mid-air. "Naruto! He is tied up now. He cannot use his Rinnengan absorbation because his hand is tied up, alongside his entire body. So you can finish him off with a well placed Rasengan and be done with it. Because he's tied up in chains! Finish him!"

 **FALCON** **PUNCH DATTEBAYO!"**

A flaming golden fist smashed into his face as Naruto's kunai did to Hinata's Shuriken last week. He crashed through the tree, broke the stump even further and continued rolling as he hit many branches on the way out.

"Damnit!" Sarada's dad cursed, his Rinnengan activating. "ONE time I asked for a Rasengan and you don't do it! Chibaku Tensei!"

"Woah..." Boruto's grandfather's wife's grandson gasped at white, yellow and blue blurs that decimated already destroyed battlefield. "I'm sure that fight was cool and all, but I couldn't see shit."

And so they continued to fight after Momoshiki inevitably escaped Chibaku Tensei and summoned forth pack of dogs made from Wood Release.

Sasuke turned to Naruto. "I know that you have near light speed reflexes in SPSM KCM and could dodge this with ease, but I'll save you like I did in Wave arc in Part 1 to make a third reference."

After he kicked him out of the way and got pinned down by wooden dogs, Naruto used his flight ability to save Sasuke and enter Kurama Avatar before he could be burned like he was in Boruto movie.

"So here you are!" Momoshiki growled as wooden monkey stood across from the Fox.

"Your golem can't fly. I, on the other hand can even in Kurama Avatar like I did in Final Valley. I can use Six Paths Sage Mode flight ability to my advantage and take more strategic approach to this fight..." Naruto pondered for a bit. "Nah. I'll try to punch the living shit out of you!"

That proved to be a mistake as five eyed alien countered it quickly and pinned him to the ground, clenching his throat with his hand.

"Fourth reference!" Naruto and Sasuke combined their Susanoo and Kurama Avatar, ducked under wood golems attempt to hit them and slashed them with a sword, destroying him and finally "defeating" him.

"I'm glad that's over with..." Naruto wheezed out after they landed on the ground. "We're lucky that there is no sudden interruption that would magically turn things... Oh I fucking knew it."

"Take this!" Katasuke, lead scientist of Konoha's Scientific Ninja Weapons Team shouted and blastet every possible jutsu in his direction.

Sasuke's face scrunched in anger as he looked at the Hokage. "People like him are the reason why I wanted to slaughter everyone."

"He's so gonna get fired when we get back."

"Get back? This will be your resting place you orange wearing vermin with a haircut so shit that it makes Gaara's look normal in comparisment."

"What!?" Naruto seethed in anger. "You take that back!"

Momoshiki absorbed it and began fireing Jutsu towards them at twice their regular power. Fortunately for them, one of other Kages wasen't so useless and protected them with sand that was sculptured in shape of his dead mom which wasen't creepy in any way.

"Aw come on!" Whine escaped him as all of them got caught in Shadow Paralises, with additional Black Receivers striking Naruto. "Let's just ignore how I managed to break free from several high level barriers in my weaker forms and escaped Pain's Receivers, but somehow got trapped in this situation."

"Quit bitching." Sasuke snapped. "This is Boruto's dad son's show so it's obvious that we're going to get nerfed. Have you seen script for Chapter 31 of the manga?"

"I did." He nodded grimly. "I hate it even more, but that's entirely different issue."

Sasuke sighed and turn to his student. "Boruto do it!"

"Let's GO!" Following Boruto's loud scream, Rasengan size of Sakura's breasts was launched at Fused Momoshiki.

"Am I a joke to you?" He asked perfectly calm with face stoic as a statue as he extended his right hand.

Rasengan dissapeared and Momo smirked.

"I have **five** OP eyes you banana split and with that I can see Chakra even if it seemingly dissapeared to the naked eye. You're letting your main character status get to you. There is now way in hell that thing is going to reach-"

 **BAM!**

Shadow was broken as Momoshiki got hit on his right side of the cheek with the Rasengan and got knocked down.

"How did you do that?" Naruto asked as his son jumped down to stand by his side.

"I dunno." Boruto shrugged.

"Seems legit."

"Really Naruto?" Sasuke's brow raised. "Six Paths Sage Mode grants you ability to grasp all Universal Things releated to Chakra."

"Writers forgot, as they did to most of my abilities. Now tell me."

"Basically your kid proved to be a prodigy beyond Kakashi, my elder brother and me, despite you not teaching him shit and of course because he is the main character. By adding Lighting Chakra to Rasengan he can make it vanish."

"Seriously!?" Momoshiki howled to the heavens. "This is just bad writing! I have FIVE EYES PEOPLE. Two of them specifically to see Chakra to such degree that I can see you entire Chakra System!"

"Don't question the plot."

"It makes things easier." Naruto nodded, agreeing with Boruto's quick reply.

"It will drive you crazy." Sasuke finished.

"Fuck you!" He swallowed bunch of pills and his muscle mass rapidly grew.

"Too late..." Sharingan user couldn't help but find amusment in state of their opponent.

"Son." Naruto added more Chakra to Boruto's Rasengan, making it big as Choji when he used Human Boulder.

Hokage pointed at enraged Ōtsutsuki" You see that ugly looking alien that crashed Chūnin Exam, wrecked entire village, injured your mother and made all other Kages look like little bitches?"

"Y-yea."

"Here is Spirit Bomb, now go beat him!"

Boruto was uncertain at first, but at seeing his father's smile he became more confident.

 _"It's heavy..."_ Silent tears fell from his eyes as he held on to the Rasengan. " _So this is dad's... This weight... So this is the power of Main Character?"_

Boruto made big Rasengan dissapear, despite not having a single clue how he did it previously. Sasuke and Boruto quickly did student-master combo moves. Sasuke used teleportation to switch himself with his sword and prepare to strike with a Chidori. Sword was actually Boruto under transformation and he threw a kunai that Momoshiki caught.

 _"If I switch Amaterasu Chidori with a kunai insted of regular one, then Momoshiki will be burned to death since he won't be able to absorb jutsu anymore after I stab his Rinnengan._ _Plot?"_

Sasuke switched Kunai with his Chidori and stabbed his Rinnengan, rendering it useless. After being pierced with Black Recievers, he was kicked back to one of the branches.

Momoshiki grabbed one of Boruto clones that had decency to punch him and dispeled him and several others with ease. That is until other one charged in.

"What the hell?" Momoshiki was left flabergased at Boruto dodging his attack and having some eye that looks like Itachi's Sharingan after he used Izanami.

"Oh my God it's the eye! The eye that we haven't seen in over 30 episodes and somehow has ability of perception now that still wouldn't do shit in this situation because your body isn't trained to deal with speed of God-tier opponents, no matter if they're weakened or not."

Momoshiki grabbed his left side as Rasengan of Boruto's clone managed to hit him to the side. Looking up he saw original Boruto with gigantic Rasengan in his hand.

"From that Shinra Tensei I used against Shuriken Shadow Clones, it has been established that I use Six Path Techniques which also include Preta Path to still absorb your attack?"

Writers forgot of course and Momoshiki charged a red Rasengan. Because obviously everyone knows how to do Rasengan these days.

Two massive orbs collided with one another, causing destruction to terrain around them. They continued to press on, both with determination hard as steel in order to defeat other.

"You can't defeat me! I am Ōtsutsuki Momoshiki!"

"Bitch, do I look like I give a fuck?! This show is called Boruto: Naruto Next Generation and you should know by now that **NOTHING** beats plot armor."

Father/son Rasengan hit him and Momoshiki only had two thoughts on his mind as his body turned into red color from the force.

 _"Am I really going to get killed by this brat? Shit man, wasen't I supposed to be a threat greater than Kaguya?"_

* * *

"Boooo!"

"What the hell!?

Momoshiki's face appeared suddenly in front of him scaring hamburger out of him. Both of them were floating in some weird crimson pocket dimension, insted of stopping time like it was case in the manga.

"Ha you should have seen your face." He laughed as he examined Boruto's eye, which changes design everytime it appears in anime for some reason.

"I see... You've strongly inherited power of Ōtsutsuki."

 _"Mom you have alot of explaining to do."_

"Those who defeat a god cannot remain normal humans."

"Didn't you already said that I have power of Ōtsutsuki?" Boruto cut him off. "That is far from human as it can possible gets in this anime. Your statment seems redundant."

Rinnengan weilder let out a tired sigh. "Listen do you want OP Seal that will make you surpass your father even if there is no logical way for it to happen without bullshit plotpoint such as this one?"

"Fine, fine..." He rolled his eyes.

He coughed and grabbed his arm.

"As I was saying, those who defeat a god cannot remain normal humans. Even if you couldn't defeat me without your master teleportation and father's Chakra so technically this power should go to him since it was his Chakra, but he is powerful as it is, evident by the fact that he still gets nerfed in manga AND anime."

"Yea... Chapter 31 tho..."

"I know right." Momo agreed with a curt nod. "He could have beat her ass and send her to Ino to extract info, but plot."

"Even so I understand why they did that. Naruto's story is over and he cant't one-shot every opponent and this Next Gen-"

"I don't give a fuck." Ōtsutsuki hissed as henstopped his rambling. "The fact still remains that Naruto is present in your story and is driving force of it. If they wanted Next Generation, they should have gone with Legend of Korra twist and make so that story takes place far in the future where two God governing this world are dead. But it wouldn't sell well without them, so I had to be killed by a brat with plot armor thicc as Ino."

"I digressed. Your blue eyes will take everything from you, but this is Naruto so even if they die, they'll be brought back with Deux Ex Machina like in Pain Assault."

He released his hand and Boruto saw diamond shaped mark resting on his palm.

"I hate you so much. Insted of using last of my power to hurt you for killing me, I'll grant you Seal that has all my powers, because why not..."

"Erm... Thanks?" Boruto said.

"Don't mention it." Momoshiki waved it off. "One more thing."

"What?"

He began turning into ash. "Boruto I don't feel so good."

* * *

Sasuke watched on as Rasengan began tearing through the ground and shot off into the atmosphere where it bursted upon impact in blue sparkles.

"So... I should probably say something to Naruto about that seal and weird eye to investigate it more..." He considered it for a few moments. "But I won't because of reasons."


End file.
